I have a LOT to learn about life I can admit. The biggest challenge I face and lesson I am trying to learn is 'you canon't take everything personally' and 'you cannot feel guilty about everything'.
On a day to day basis I let people's words and actions get the better of me. I have realized this fault more and more working full time as a pharmacy intern. I take patient's frustrations and anger as performance indicators and I let my mistakes upset me so much that they consume my thoughts to the point that I cannot focus. For example, today a patient came to the pharmacy asking to fill a prescription. He asked me the price of the medication, so I told him that the original price ($90) and the price I thought he would have to pay ($30). We filled the med and as I rang him up I realized that the price I had quoted ($30) was the cost he would save not the price he was charged ($60). I apologized about 5 times feeling more than horrible and explained my misjudement. The man was upset and said he could not afford the medication and left. He returned later to complain to management that I had made an unacceptable error and that "the problem must be taken care of". The whole situation made me feel horrible because I had messed up and made someone upset, but it made me feel even worse as the man made a huge deal about it afterwards.
Another example is when I cannot have a patient's med ready in a short amount of time I feel personably responsible as they start to get upset. Or when I feel like I do not know as much as other veteran pharmacy staff, I feel incompetent and like a "weak link".
Even outside of my job, I take other people's feelings or reactions personally. If someone does not like me or is upset with what I say, I feel like I have to fix it, if I ever want to get sleep. I like to make people happy so when they are not happy I feel as though it is my fault or I am not doing something right. I hate the phrase "don't take it personally" because if someone really did not want you to take it personally then why would they even bring it up? There is always some personal aspect, even if it is small
I know this thinking may seem illogical to some, but to me it is who I am and always have been. It does not makes sense to me when I talk about it but it is how I feel. I am working on trying to re-frame these ideas because I realize that as I grow up and get into the 'real' world, I will only have more of these situations. If I see all of them as I do now I will drive myself into insanity worrying 24/7, but if I can really just take to heart true realities I may be able to live a more balanced life.
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